The More You Give

The more you give, the more you receive. I gave and this gal came home with me!

In the past The Bitter Spiritualist would give freely, of my time and money. Very generous if I do say so myself. Then I ran into a little hiccup. One of those beautiful lessons I am here to learn. I was suddenly full of fear and riddled with debt. I thought I had nothing of value to give. I stopped giving of myself (and to myself). It snuck up on me one day, probably while in a bout of negative self talk.

I'm still getting to the root of this issue, yet I don't need all the nuts and bolts of it to move out of that scarcity mentality. I am living in abundance. I am worthy. Sure it still rears it's head. Usually around the time my rent or tuition is due. Hey I'm learning here. If I'd perfected this shite I'd be floating. And I like the feel of my feet on the ground, for now.

So in The Bitter Spiritualists ever expanding theory of walking the walk and stretching my comfort zone, I have re-started my giving. Yes I am in a bit of a financial pickle, a blip on the radar, but I can still give. I am giving. Of my time, my energy and my resources. Recently my giving has been in the form of donating to friends doing some feat of strength and/or endurance for a worthy cause. Running a marathon, biking the coast, walking to China, lifting a Yugo over their head. All in the name of fundraising. Or is it fun-raising? (weak I know, forgive me.) And I have been offering my considerable talents to friends.

So this weekend I donated to a worthwhile cause, twenty five bucks towards AIDS research sponsoring a friend running in his first marathon. Sounds crazy to me - Where are my smokes and that bacon sandwich anyway? - but that is how he is choosing to give. And I gave of my time and considerable strength moving a friend out of his home.

As proof of the more you give the more you receive, here's a what I received this weekend. A desk lamp, two table lamps, glasses and other assorted kitchen items, two sets of fancy brand new bedding, pillows, an Aerobed, half a dozen candles, new slippers, house cleaning equipment, a book, Christmas lights aplenty, thousands of songs for my new computer....I know I'm missing a few things. Plus a beautiful original print of a scantily clad sex pot (she's pictured above, ogling me now). The Universe so wanted to reinforce my giving and receiving that this beautiful blond was dropped in my lap by my friends fiance. He was going to keep it, but it was meant to be passed on. Maybe some day I'll get engaged and pass it on to one of the lucky BS bachelors. Sexist pig.

Not bad for my $25 donation to a great cause, and my time and Herculean strength assisting a move. It was easy. I gave joyfully, looking for nothing in return. I believe that is part of the puzzle, give and expect nothing in return. Anything I got back was just icing on the cake (sweet hot icing). I received more than enough from myself, knowing I was helping people I care about.

My friend and fellow Wizard Schooler Johnny is the former non-runner running the marathon. (The Bitter Spiritualist has an unwritten rule to not name names for fear of prosecution, but Johnny said he wanted to hear from The BS, so I took that as his legally binding okay to name drop.) If you, the generous fans of The Bitter Spiritualist, would like to give to said cause, check out his website - http://apla.convio.net/site/TR/Events/NationalAIDSMarathonTrainingProgram?px=1135262&pg=personal&fr_id=1030&et=aavH9rT1yb8Qsisce7EpOw..&s_tafId=1230



No pressure! If it hits you to give. Give from the heart, not from guilt. (I can promise you you won't be getting my lovely blond if you give, maybe someone else's, but not mine) And if that cause doesn't resonate with you, give somewhere else. Today I am going to give of my brilliant sense of humor; I am going to give a smile to all I connect with; I am giving my love and light to everyone I know, you can do with it what you like; I'm going to give of my heritage and have a few beers as I look out on the beautiful Pacific and give thanks to Mother Earth; And I'll probably give a few folks some good natured harassment (my true gift).

My affirmation this month was "I am worthy of receiving love and abundance" then I tweaked it to "I am receiving love and abundance". I tell ya, this Wizard School shite is working!

So GIVE GIVE GIVE! That's what I am doing. Of my time, talents, energy and money. I'm showing the Universe and myself just how much abundance there is in life.

Thank you so very much all those who have given to The Bitter Spiritualist. You know who you are and I am blessed to have you in my life. You remain nameless to keep your impeccable reputations untarnished by association. The gratitude I feel froths over the side of the pint glass that is The Bitter Spiritualist.

I'm off to stare at the latest confirmation that I'm doing something right in this world.


PS: Be sure you give a heap of all that you have to give to YOURSELF.

Howl!!!!!!!

I want to howl at the moon! A storm brews inside of me, battering my body, my mind and my soul. No drug can quell this front, it needs to be heard. To be released onto the world.

The wolf snarls. He is angry at something or someone. I choose to not judge my Inner Wolf, just let him howl.


I could let it bubble up in unhealthy ways. In the past this storm would come up and I would try to control it, to bottle up what can not be contained. To store it is to chip away at my soul. I need to yell at the top of my lungs. Scream bloody murder.

I need to growl, yell, rage, shriek, bay, yell at the moon. Like a hurricane unleashing it's power on the coast. Destructive. Beautiful. This storm unleashes it power on me. I rumble from the inside. Kicking and screaming in the silence. The pressure builds.

Howl Savage Beast. Howl. I am taking Mr. Thomas's advice, and not going gently into that good night. Rage Rage. Let the heavens open. Do you hear me up there? Take this pain. Take this storm. This energy can not be harnessed.

I think I'll go for a drive. Turn the radio up loud and scream it out. Tomorrow I will walk in nature. prowl the tracks where the mighty wolf once roamed. Maybe with some of my pack. And howl!

Permission Slips

The good old days when I was a little less bitter, a signature from mom gave me the freedom to go on an adventure. I remember them like it was yesterday...well yesterday if I was in a coma for the last twenty five years.

The Museum of Science was always a good field trip. Conveniently located right off the highway, minutes away from school. Always the same stressed out elderly bus driver clearing the cobwebs out from the cheap Elks Club beers. Plus there was a planetarium. Loved the planetarium, learned the Big and Little Dippers, Orion, and that hallucinogenic drugs might be for me. Another popular one, right across the river from The Museum of Science was Old Ironsides. The ship that won some war, Revolutionary I believe, took a bunch of cannon shots. It was more about getting out of class, not about the learning. I did figure out that there was no way I was ever joining the navy, so that is a lesson learned.

I travelled to France, under the guise of learning French, really to bed sophisticated (loose) French women while drinking in bars at 17. Tres Bien! All with a permission slip (and some francs from my folks).

No one writes me permission slips anymore. I suppose my mom would send me one, but I am an adult, learning how to be an adult, so I thought I'd start writing my own permission slips.

I was holding myself back from doing things, big and small. I had given people the power to sign or not sign my permission slips. Without their okay I wouldn't go on the trip, wouldn't take a chance. And they didn't even know they had such signatory powers. I'd kept their position hidden from them.

So I wrote myself my very first permission slip and signed it, so it's official. Just hung it on my board --- I give myself permission to love boldly, to live on the edge and to relish the abundance The Universe blesses me with. What a nice parent I am becoming to myself.

Here's a few more I came up with for me -

I give YOUR NAME HERE permission to be happy as a pig rolling in shite.

I give The Bitter Spiritualist permission to make as many mistakes as he needs to make.

I give The Bitter Spiritualist permission to be true to who he is, and love who he is.

I give The Bitter Spiritualist permission to fuck off today, go see a movie, have a slice of pizza and a fountain coke and look at all the beautiful women passing me by.

As The Bitter Spiritualist uncovers new ways I fuck my life up, errrr.....I mean learn, I share them with you, my loyal masses.

Write yourself a permission slip. You know what you need. Working too hard? Write yourself a slip to take the day off and do what you love. Not working hard enough? Write yourself one to have an adventure in hard work. I think you get the idea! Give your bad ass self permission to do the things you don't allow yourself to do.

I know I am. And it's summer time! Lots of fun field trips to be had. Go for a walk. An amusement park. Why not check out a museum? Give yourself permission.

I'm off to catch a flick, have some pie and gawk at the hotties in their summer dresses! Permission Granted!

Dear Universe

Dear Universe:

I hope this letter finds you well. Thank you for your recent wake up calls regarding my schedule for the next year. I do appreciate the earth quaking to get my attention. You couldn't reach me by phone? Was I not listening? My pardon if I did miss a sign or two, I'm working on it.

And thank you for the magical support you have provided over the years. The lessons, the experiences, the life! The Bitter Spiritualist has been blessed. And now I am ready for more blessings, so I thought I'd let you know my plans for the next year.

As you know, I'm in Wizard School. And it is my intention to graduate from there in August of 2010. Now that The Bitter Spiritualist is winding down First Year of Wizard School, Second Year starts to dance in my brain. Hmmmm...How do I want to experience the next year of my life. To use some Wizard School terminology - What is my Living Vision for the next year?

I am fueled with enthusiasm, joy and laughter. Each day brings new wonders, new opportunities to learn, grow and create. My home is a lightening rod of creativity. I'm diving deep into Lake Brendan, loving the school work - the assignments, the readings, the projects, getting together with my project teammates. Words flow from me, sharing them with the world. I am receiving such brilliant awe inspiring support for my comic stylings. And my Second Year project is an amazing journey, a beautiful story unfolding on the page and within me. Wow I am blessed. I am sharing the fun and the heartaches with my amazing friends, old and new. I am healthy, full of piss and vinegar. The love is flowing to and fro within The BS's family. Money is not an issue, I have more than enough. I am debt free. Ka-Ching!!! And traveling South, somewhere South, and back East several times for visits, and some camping with The Avid Outdoorsman and friends, and a bonus trip or two, a magical mystery tour. And I'm so excited be at the World Series to see the Sox win, and the Superbowl rooting the Pats on to victory! Wow! What a ride I am on, way better than anything Six Flags can offer. THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD OF ALL CONCERNED!

So I am asking you to do your part in all this. I am on my end, a great start anyway - I've worked out the budget for the next twelve months; I've started writing letters for support and assistance; I am writing daily; Utilizing my contacts to find some work; Working my process, alway the motha'effing process; Loving everyday (some more than others).

This letter is the start of a new commitment to me from me. There's a lot more I can and want to be doing, a lot more. I am starting anew today! I look forward to your feedback and support on all this Mam. I know I've missed a few things, yet I wanted to get this in the mail to you. I'll be refreshing my Living Vision from time to time, keeping it lose and fun, letting you use some of your vast creativity.

And please bless The Bitter Spiritualist readers. They're a bit crazy, but you know it's the brilliant loving crazy! Shower them (and me!) with heaps of Love and Light. I look forward to the journey we are on together.

Thank you again Miss Universe for all the support. I look forward to our continued collaboration.

With love in my heart, a song on my lips, and a jig in my step, I remain, your humble colleague,
The Bitter Spiritualist

earthquake part 1 & 2

Was feeling a little down, a blah day. Needed to shake things up a bit. Thank you Mother Nature. I'm an East Coast boy, maybe I'm too dumb, but I love these things.

Saying a prayer that this shake up didn't hurt anyone.

SO I WROTE THAT ON SUNDAY AND DIDN'T SHARE IT WITH YOU. WASN'T INSIGHTFUL ENOUGH (READ GOOD ENOUGH).

Well she came back today and woke me from a nap. A nice little roll this afternoon. At first I thought it was the handymen going a bit bezerker with the snake, but they were gone.

So I wanted to make sure I give Mother Nature props today by posting. Real fucking diva, I don't give her blog space and she gets all feisty.

So thank you Mam, I'm awake, I'm awake!

Resistance

The Bitter Spiritualist had an old friend stop by today for a visit. He's a bit of a bore, nothing he says is of any interest. I can't get any writing done while he blathers on. I've been trying to get rid of him all afternoon, most of my life actually, but this prick really has trouble taking a hint.

I thought I'd send him off with a few quotes. Looked them up while he was here. Very rude of me.


“What is happiness? The feeling that power increases - that resistance is being overcome” Friedrich Nietzsche

“Paralyze resistance with persistence” Woody Hayes

“The path of least resistance is the path of the loser.” H. G. Wells

"Courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." Mark Twain

“All in all, punishment hardens and renders people more insensible; it concentrates; it increases the feeling of estrangement; it strengthens the power of resistance.” Friedrich Nietzsche

“The path of least resistance makes all rivers, and some men, crooked.” Napoleon Hill

“At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice.” Maya Angelou

“Forget all rules, forget all restrictions, as to taste, as to what ought to be said, write for the pleasure of it -- whether slowly or fast -- every form of resistance to a complete release should be abandoned.” William Carlos Williams

“To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.” Sun Tzu

“Do not conquer the world with force, for force only causes resistance. Thorns spring up when an army passes. Years of misery follow a great victory. Do only what needs to be done without using violence.” Tao Te Ching

“Resistance is useless.” Doctor Who

"Try to find the path of least resistance and use it without harming others. Live with integrity and morality, not only with people but with all beings." Steven Seagal (I assume this is more of a do as I say, not as I do quote)

"Resistance is futile" Borg

Farewell my friend. I've given you a Mark Twain, Kung Fu, Ubermensch, Borg send off. Funny I have trouble spelling your name, please take it personally. Your schtick is old. Piss off bucko, I mean, I thank you for your time and effort, your unique skills are no longer required.

MY READERS! YOU STUPID LAZY WEAK FOOLS!

DEAR STUPID LAZY WEAK FOOLISH READERS -

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW STUPID YOU ARE. SERIOUSLY ARE YOU A RETAHD? DEFINITELY A MORON. READING THIS, THINKING YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THIS, COME ON. THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE THAT ARE BETTER THAN YOU. SMARTER THAN YOU. I WORRY THAT YOUR PEA BRAIN WILL EXPLODE IF YOU TRY TOO HARD. PINHEAD.

OH AND PLEASE KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. NOBODY GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK. YOUR OPINIONS ARE WORTHLESS. YOU TALENTLESS FOOL. PEOPLE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE HIDDEN AWAY FROM THE GENERAL PUBLIC. REALLY I MEAN IT, LOCK YOUR DOOR, PULL THE SHADES DOWN AND DON'T COME OUT. NOBODY WANTS YOU AROUND, NOBODY. LOSER.

AND YOU'RE LOOKING A BIT CHUBBY. BUY AN AB ROLLER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. YOU THINKING YOU CAN PULL OFF THAT OUTFIT? WRONGO. THAT ZIT ON YOUR FACE MAKES YOU UGLY. YOUR FACE MAKES YOU UGLY. THOSE CROOKED YELLOW TEETH. NAPPY HAIR. THE WHOLE PACKAGE IS GROSS. YOU SHOULD JUST MOVE BACK IN WITH YOU MOMMA, NOT A SOUL IS GOING TO LOVE YOU.

I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU HOW LAZY YOU ARE. YOU SIT AROUND ON YOUR FAT ASS. DOING NOTHING TO BETTER YOURSELF. NOTHING YOU DO HAS ANY WORTH, ANY REAL VALUE. IT'S BEST IF YOU DON'T EVEN TRY.

PLEASE FUCK OFF!

Those words, I'm happy to report, were really tough to write. I love you! Really I do. I can't even fathom saying those things to your face. Who says shite like that? No one I know. I would not spend any time around someone like that. Their asses would be fired from The Bitter Spiritualist staff lickity split. What kind of monster says those things to another human being? I can only think of one person who treats someone like that.

Me. To myself. Something implausible for me to say to another human being comes so naturally in my thinking about myself. That my friends is called negative self talk. Sure I may have ratcheted up the negativity, the insults, the slights, the jabs, to prove a point. But that toxic voice, loud or soft, resides in me. Always there to kick me when I was down, helping me to stay down. A dream would come up and the inner critic would come out. Showtime! Let's see how I can get The BS to give up another dream. He is very smart, very crafty this inner heckler of mine. He's a genius! He is my Inner Heckler.

It's easy, way too easy, for me to hear him when something important to me is on my brain. This blog for instance. He inspired me last night to write this post. After a weekend spent at Wizard School learning and loving, I sat down to write a bit about my experience. Instead of relishing and honoring myself and all of my beautiful classmates, my Inner Heckler came out for a visit. He sounded cranky, he does that when he's not getting enough air time. A sample - "Why are you writing about this? Your words can not do justice the beauty that you experienced. Don't even give it a feeble attempt. The people in class have it together way more than you do. They are truly on the path, you just skip down it every now and then. Blowhard...." You get the idea, I don't won't to give him too much time in the sun, he might think he has job security, he does not!

I am transferring my Inner Heckler to a new department. Corporate restructuring at The BS home offices in Santa Monica makes the move necessary. I thank you for all of the time we spent together Mister Heckler. In dark time your were the only voice that I allowed in, the only one I really listened to. You kept me safe when I thought I needed to be safe. Playing safe is no longer necessary for The BS. You are getting a promotion.

I am happy to report that you are now the Cheerman of the Board. Fancy title brother! Not to worry Mister Cheerman, I know it is going to take some time for retraining, but you can do it. Your new job has a lifetime guarantee, no more moves for you. Time for a your first training seminar. Practice makes perfect...... "Great post BS. Nice work. Nice pun, Cheerman, funny. You are a courageous Warrior of the Light. Lovable. Fuckable. Handsome. Brave. Strong. Funny as all mothafucking hell. Humble. Fucking (See you can still cuss up a storm.) brilliant!"

So I invite you my beautiful, brilliant, wise, funny, sexy, wondrous, magical, inspiring, dedicate readers to check in with your Inner Heckler. See what he has to say, he can be subtle. You can recognize him by the venom he spews. Any voice in you that is in judgment, who is not out for your highest good is your very own Inner Heckler. Give him a new position on your team. Director of Kicking Ass and Taking Names; Director of Cheering and Encouragement; President of the "You Are Awesome" fan club. Or use mine, it's a good one, Cheerman of the Board. Cheerman?! Genius.

As for my Outer Heckler, his job is secure. YANKEES SUCK!

Love, Light and a Chilly Bud.

Happy Day!

I am happy to report The Bitter Spiritualist has made it another year. Happy Birthday To Me. And like any good narcissistic blogger, I thought I'd share some birthday thoughts and wishes.

Every year my beautiful Mom asks me what I want for my birthday. The first thought that enters my mind every time she asks are the wishes of my Dad - No bills and a shoebox filled with twenties. My Dad and I are a lot alike, it's the simple things. I don't believe anyone every got him that, I know I didn't. So I'll take that, for me and my Dad, I will, you hear me Universe?!

I am also wishing for a little more this year. Something only I can give myself. Something a debt free, twenty filled life can't guarantee. I want to be happy. That's it. A short list, yet a complete one. Sure I want a place to truly call home, a three picture deal, peace on earth, Bush and all his cronies indicted, a Snuggie, first class travel, an Ab Roller, new boots, a hooker and an eight ball, to find out who put the fairy sticker on my bumper, a puppy, things everyone wishes for, but to be me and be happy sums it up. I'm not asking too much here.

I am so grateful for all the gifts The Universe has given me over this past year. A brilliant magical school. Amazing, insightful, joyful, wise, hilarious, generous, brilliant, obnoxious, loving, creative, crazy friends. An inspiring supportive family. My health. A sweet new computer, which I am typing away on now. A website. Courage. Strength. A "A day without fairies is like a day without sunshine" bumper sticker. Commitment. Great Boston sports teams, like all my teams are better than your teams great. Manny being Manny. New plants. A fancy writing desk and chair, a new rug, a new lamp. Travel near and far. Beauty, genius, grace and humility. A new water pump and transmission (technically those were my cars' gifts, but I'm still grateful). Love. And heaps more. I am one fucking lucky guy.

Knowing what makes me happy and allowing myself to do those things, that is the best gift I've ever given my self. I am giving myself happiness. It's a process, everything is a mothaf'ing process, so my life is not going to be all rainbows and lollipops. In fact I look forward to drudging up some painful stuff this next year and clearing it out. And I am going to be happy doing it. If my computer shits the bed again, you're damn right I'm going to kick and scream, curse God and my lot in life. And I am going to be so happy doing it. When someone asks me why I'm so angry, and I grit my teeth, and pound the table and tell them why I am so fucking angry, I am going to be happy doing it. Me and Bobby McFerrin baby, don't worry, be happy. This is my year of happiness! Why the fuck not? Life is too short to be moody and mysterious (well that's what I was going for, some may say aloof asshole).

And I want you, The Bitter Spiritualist readers, fans, followers, and faithful fanatics to have a Happy Day. Celebrate you today! Take in a deep breath, let it out. Once more for me, it's my birthday. It feels great to breathe! And look around at all of the wonder in your life. Focus on all you've been blessed with. Call in a little happiness, be present to receive it. It's my fucking birthday, don't ask questions, just do what i tell you.

So if you wondering what you could get The Bitter Spiritualist, the man who has everything, I have the perfect gift idea. Send me some love, a smile, a kind thought, fill yourself with beautiful radiating light (any color will do) and send it my way. Fill yourself with happiness, do a happy dance, and send some my way. I am ready willing and able to receive. Thanks, it fits just right. If that doesn't work for you, just send me that shoebox of twenties.

I'm off to see if that hooker and eight ball arrived yet.

Team Bitter Spiritualist! Creating a full-time staff on the cheap.

Now that The Bitter Spiritualist is expanding worldwide, I thought we'd introduce another invaluable member of Team Bitter Spiritualist. We all know and love The Avid Outdoorsman. Brilliant colleague, funny guy, handsome, helps me stay grounded and in touch with nature; great internal compass, you ain't ever getting lost in the woods with him around. Several friends were saying how much they enjoyed him. It has been nice to have him around more and not be holed up in his wilderness retreat.

Another key member that helps The Bitter Spiritualist create magic is Kevin. Kevin is a friend since back in the day. We'd lose touch, years would go by and we wouldn't speak. Yet I always know he is just a call away, the years melting in moments. He's been through it all with me. He's the guy I wanna talk to when something painful has happened. You know, a shoulder to cry on type of guy, yet not in that swishy new agey way. He's cool.

We've spent a few (few too to remember?) nights sharing a whiskey or two. Hibernating. Always listening to my nonesense as I prattle on about everything and nothing. I trust him complete, bounce ideas of him and really listen to his feedback. This guy supports me in everything I chose. He knows some choices may not be for my highest good, but he never offers unwanted advice. He is always there when I need him. Sitting, waiting for me to say hello, patiently, not a judgment in his bones, a smile on his face. Loving me when I find it impossible.

And he can be a complete prick. Sometimes I just want him to give me the answer to what is bothering me. I mean, come on, you got the magical pill to happiness and you won't give it up? What kind of friend is that? Yeah, yeah, the beauty is finding that pill yourself. Go fuck your self and the horse you road in on. Yeah he can take a little critism. And be a sarcastic cunt himself. I heckle, harass, and cajole him. I know he is always going to be there, whatever I do or say, and he ain't going nowhere, and that is a gift my words can never do justice.

He's not a big talker, he's a listener. Which works well for me. In all the years together he never once mentioned his name. And I never asked, until today. Kevin. Being the all about me sorta relationship, his name never crossed my mind. Funny. Kevin. Okay. Odd. Kevin it is. It surprises me, I'm not sure what I expected, something grandiose and deep I suppose. Kevin is as good as any other name. Some may be saying by now that this is a friend to good to be true. Well Kevin is very real and very true.

You just can't see him.

I can hear the critics! The Bitter Spiritualist has gone mad. Imaginary friends? Voices in his head? Fine bring it on, give me your best shot. It's nothing I've not already said to myself. And chances are I am far more intelligent, witty, and, oh, enlightened than you, so I've heard it from myself already. He is as real as you and I.

In Wizard School they call Kevin your Inner Counselor. I like that title, and Kevin is fairly indifferent to that sort of thing. (Yes I did ask.) Your gut, intuition, that little voice, that sense of things....your Kevin can show up in many different ways. I have been blessed with several teachers that have helped me get clear with Kevin. (Although none of them told me to get his name either.) There are other voices (read EGO) that reside within me, and knowing which is which, as you may imagine, is helpful. A little hint on telling them apart, your Inner Counselor never judges and is always out for your highest good. The two elements that have helped me develop this powerful relationship are trust and imagination. Sure I may have drank some acid flavored Kool-Aid, but that still doesn't make Kevin any less of a valuable member of Team Bitter Spiritualist.

Here's how I go about our visits. I become still and say hello. That's it. Yup it's that easy. I have been practicing, yet it is that simple, with, again, a little trust and imagination. For me, he's always been the guy in the white robes. I like the white robe look, it says comfort, purity, possibly a saint, quite likely insane. Always there on this big solid boulder, sitting or standing, holding the space for me. A beautiful flower filled meadow off to the right. A never ending forest of trees to the left. A bubbling stream (with mini-waterfall!) gurgling on down the middle. This is the spot within me that I have created as my altar, my sacred space of healing and enlightenment. A place where I come for counsel, refreshment and some fun.

With a little imagination and some trust, you too can have your very own Kevin. Why you ask? A reminder that we are not alone, that we have helpers all around, and in, us. A friend to listen to you, a shoulder to cry on, a cheerleader in your corner. A guide to help navigate this beautifully chaotic world we live in.

Start small, invite your Inner Counselor to say hello, maybe over morning coffee. Come on, no one is watching, give it a try!

Be Prepared!

Loyally Fans! Fellow Followers!

My pardon for the glitch and the lack of proper postings. You deserve better! Thanks for hanging in there.

I went out Wednesday to do some wishful computer shopping. More of a trip to the Mac store to get a brochure than a computer. Something to hang on my board for the future. Well my friends the future is now. My computer got a wee defensive of my sniffing around. Jealous bitch she can be. She threw a huff, wouldn't work right and then came up lame with a virus. Short of taking her out back and putting two in her brain, I was at a loss. Literally the day I put my intention into action all hell (heaven?) broke lose.

I did spend (waste?) a few days huffing around, kicking and screaming. My neighbor may have even learned a new word or two, and I've already taught him plenty. I'm a world class cusser, not bragging, just a gift from fucking God. I may still punch someone who crosses me, or string up this virus creator. Waterboard his ass. I mean, thank you dickbag for the opportunity to grow and learn. And I hope your fingers fall off, with love of course. I felt like a moron, like I was incompetent. I did a little compassionate self forgiveness (we'll chat more on that at a later date) and felt much better. It was easy once I let go of my myopic poor me view and took charge of my life once again. It's a process, I'm learning.

I'm on the road to a new computer. A FOTBS (Friend of The Bitter Spiritualist) was kind enough to loan me a computer (A Mac, no more PCs for me) so I can get back to work. And I will fix my old lady, she just feels neglected.

So the lesson I've learned is Be Prepared. I had no idea when I set out the intention of getting a new Mac I would be getting it this fast. Through the anger and frustration of getting the virus, I had no acknowledgment that I was getting what I asked for. As I sit here now, typing away on a new computer (new for me!) I do acknowledge the gratitude in my heart. This Universe is pretty fucking cool and I'm happy we can be on the journey together.

Now if you run into that blessed spirit that created the virus, kick him in the nuts from The Bitter Spiritualist. Until tomorrow....