Tuesday, March 31, 2009
So your gut tells you do something crazy? Do it. Trust that voice.
Now this advice has to have a little qualifier. Call it my release from liability statement. If you are crazy, or think you're sane and others call you crazy, maybe you should have a gut check buddy. If your gut tells you to jump from a speeding car. Or kill them all. Or rub my penis all over the melons at the supermarket. Yeah consult your gut check buddy.
Now I know I'm a bit crazy and people tell me I am all the time. But I also know that I have a good heart, am not out to hurt anyone and am far too big of a wuss to jump out of a speeding car. And if I want to fondle the melons with my cock that is my choice, so I don't have a gut check buddy. If I did I would hope he'd support my recently developed fruit fetish.
So my gut tells me to put this blog out a little more. I have all the excuses in the world not to. First and foremost, it's not very good. Where am I going with it? Is this the writings you want to introduce yourself to the world with? You know that voice, well that voice is not your gut. I'll speak only for me, and I know it's my ego. My beautiful enormous ego attempting to keep me safe, keep me comfortable. I don't want to be safe anymore. Sure a little comfort is nice, but too much and you go numb. Trust me I've spent the past oh 7 - 8 years numb. I don't regret it, but I don't need or want it anymore. My skins crawls thinking about others reading this, but I am trusting my gut. And of course my ego is the one with all the qualifiers here. Blah blah blah.
I use a different term for my gut. A fancy new age term. My Inner Counselor! Very mystical and magical, but ultimately it's my gut. He's very fancy and doesn't like to be called the gut. Okay he doesn't care, but I do. It makes it sound more official. And I am all about official. So my Inner Counselor laughs at all the excuses I (me ego) can make up about not doing something. Like not putting this out there. He's got a good sense of humor. Fucker. I can be very creative and expend a ton of energy making up excuses. I am changing that tune and shooting from the hip a bit more and going for it. Ignorance is bliss.
So here we go. We'll see what happens. I'm off to the supermarket, wouldn't buy melons today if i were you.
Monday, March 30, 2009
That's a great question. Of course I think it's a great question, I asked it. Well the answer that comes to me is tenacity. Something until now I lacked. The ability to just do it. Fuck it! I sit and ponder what is "right", what are people going to think, I'm not good enough. BLAH FUCKING BLAH. All fantastic excuses to not do it. I mean am I that much dumber than the fellow with the big house and the big car. Possibly yes. But all of them? Come on. Something seperates me from the achievers. Tenacity is what keeps coming up.....Dedication, commitment, blind ignorance.
So yes I can suck just as much as that guy. Why shouldn't I have what I want? I don't blame anyone, not even me. In the past, sure I was great at blaming, others and myself. Not anymore. So I am going to start posting. Shitty or not. And I am already judging this post as way below fucking average. And average is not my goal. But I am going to post this and post others.
No one may ever read these and I am holding back because of what others may say. Now that's stupid. Illogical.
So fuck it. Let's get the ball rolling. Just do it. Yeah I ripped that off from some shoe company. Sue me.
Just writing today gives me a charge. Clears my brain. Primes the pump. No it ain't Shakespeare, no it isn't even 7th grade homework level, but it's mine and I put it out there.
Sucking badly and loving it!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
And I am committing to this site, to this work, to me and to you. That was a good part of the internal dialogue, so to quell that voice even further, I am putting my commitment here. I'd taken a bit of a vacation from writing to you.
So relax, enjoy, do something that makes you happy. Every word I type may seem like advice, I assure it is not. This is an experiment for the both of us. Let’s see what works. What doesn’t. And most importantly let’s have some fun with it.
Let’s remember this about making you happy, you are not responsible for anyone else. Just you. Trust me, this is going to be more than enough. But with this comes responsibility, yup, now you know why they call me BITTER.
I’ve got things I want to accomplish. Places to go. People to meet. You know the story, mine is not new. Hopefully you can relate. I’d imagine you can if you are reading this. Or you think I’m a fraud, and you want to chronicle my demise. Either way I’m honored that you’ve chosen to spend some time with me.
I am a seeker. And like any good seeker, I am in search of something. Happiness. Sounds simple enough, yet I’ve been looking in a lot of the wrong place. The usual suspects, sex, drugs and rock & roll, okay, the rock & roll is a stretch, hmmmmm, film and new media just doesn’t have the same ring. Rock & Roll it is.
And I am shocked to report that I didn’t find happiness in any of those places. I have some great stories and even better friends. And still no ease, no peace and no happiness. I looked everywhere, well I thought, I had looked everywhere. Then someone told me where to find what I seeked.
And together we journey inside. I'm here to share my journey, offer some tools, listen to your thoughts, and show up and write. So take 2, here we go.............