Monday, May 24, 2010

There is Here

For so long I've been looking for something. If I were to put it in one word, I'd have to go with happiness. Sure happiness has many different variations, many different words. Joy. Bliss. Conected. Employeed. In Love. Wealthy. Bacon. Tomorrow. Effevesent.

I want to share today some insight I have learned about myself. It is my hope that you to can apply my learnings to you and your life. If you do not, that's fine as well, I'm filled to the brim with gratitude that you've taken then time to read my words. That is the best gift you could give me.

It was my birthday recently. A milestone, one that I was both dreading and loving. I turned forty. On the one hand I know to the core of my being that my forties are going to be a magical decade. I am going to surrender more fully to who I am and why I am kicking around on planet Earth.

But mostly I dreaded turning forty, because I had such judgment of where I was in life. What I had accomplished. What I had made of myself. Or more precisely, what I had not made of myself. I had such judgment on myself, my life had not turned out the way I had planned. The few plans I had didn't look like the life I had.

I was going to be doing grand things by now. Big important things! I felt small weak somehow less then. I looked deep inside of myself and didn't like what the viewfinder was showing me. I felt a failure. Flopping around life, barely making the ends meet. I wasn't where I wanted to be, I wanted to be there. I'm not sure what there looked like, but I was sure I wasn't there. When I got there then I would be good enough, then I would be able to truly love myself.

Where is there? That was the question that kept popping up on my wind screen. Where and what is this mythical place that I had to arrived at to Love myself. I've found out where there is, I've made the choice where there is.


Right here and now. Full of disappointments and wanting other things I've decide that I can enjoy right here and now. Not to say I don't want to change a few things, but it's time to start reveling all that is me. Why not? The folks I talk to agree that I am lovable and more than enough right here and now. So if I can't believe myself, I'm going on the faith of friends.

It feels good to finally be there, I mean here. Well wherever the fuck I am it feels great.

Love Light and Laughs

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