Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Criticism polishes my mirror. - Rumi
A hammer smashes it. - BS
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over the same way and expecting a different outcome. This notion has been with me for as long as I can remember. I heard it first in my youth, either from that manic blonde lesbian and her insanity stopping infomercial, or a relative in the program. And when an Irishman references the program, he means AA.
It dawned on me a short while back that I was a practicing Insanist. I know I am monkey butt nuts, but insane? It surprised me. The realization came to me while looking at a handout from Wizard School. The handout detailed the path to manifesting success. The point that struck me was receiving feedback, adjusting my plan accordingly and taking action. Feedback? Hmmmmmm…..
Feedback wasn’t new to me, just what to do with it. In the past I would store it in my memory bank to use later as a judgment, give a big "fuck you I know it all" response or ignore it entirely. As I’ve detailed I am making strides to venture out of my comfort zone* and into the world, so new skills are needed. Using Feedback to my advantage is a skill that rings a big bell for me.
I could take any number of examples from my prior life, so I'll use none. The Universe kept saying "Hey shithead, this isn't fucking working. Are you happy? Getting what you want? No? How about trying something different, a new approach." I'm not being hard on myself, I do realize life is perfect, even when it sucks sun baked egg salad flavored arse. Yet I had a good run, no, a great run, at ignoring the Universe. She'd write, call, shake, rattle and roll me, but I would just not answer. I was fucking busy being miserable. And for those of you who've not been miserable for long stretches, it takes a lot of time and energy. It's a full time job, and I was working a double shift. Who had time for feedback assessment, I was to busy being a victim of my circumstances.
I was frozen by my thoughts. I am embarrassed to write that I was worried what others thought of me, in the smallest and the biggest of ways. I would lie to myself and others to appear more together, and that would take the wind out of my sails. So I had very little feedback from the Universe. And what I got, I generally ignored and operated out of fear. My world became very small, and I suppose “safe”. By safe I mean the aches and pains were dulled to manageable levels. Exactly what I needed at that time. I need that no longer.
I've been practicing this new skill, actually listening to the feedback and taking actions based on the new information. The key is taking action. To get feedback, I must take action. How can the Universe provide guidance if I am sitting around waiting for something to happen? It can't, trust me. I sat around for years, taking little action and I received little feedback.
Jolly (yes pet names are okay posts at BS), my courageous beautiful Mom's dog is a great example of getting feedback, taking action, getting feedback and trying something else, until in works. He is constantly taking action and seeing what happens. Someone tells him no, or pats him on the head, either way he takes it in and keeps on moving forward, toward his goal. I’m sure his goals aren’t just to drive my Mom bonkers, just to get what he wants. Like sleeping on the couch, or going for a walk, or having a snack, or checking out what’s so interesting atop the dining room table. And he trusts his heart, people give him feedback, and he tries a new way to achieve his goal. Being cute and furry really helps his cause I've noticed.
That is an important point, no not the furry cute part, the part about trusting myself, trusting my heart. The old adage, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, comes to mind. Sure it's all part of the big picture, yet I have to be vigilant on who I share my dreams with. Hopefully they want what is best for me, yet only I know what my heart truly desires. That is not to say I need to be a secret squirrel or ignore what is said, just a realization that only I know what is for my highest good.
My eyes, ears and heart are open to feedback. It comes in all shapes and sizes, it comes to me in every moment from the Universe. I just have to keep looking, continue to be brave, take action, and trust my heart. Knowing that there is no right or wrong, just opportunities to grow and trust. And have fun!!! God have I been taking myself very serious lately, part of the story I am releasing. I am no longer insane, just more and more bananas.
Love, Light, Laughs and Bacon Sandwiches,
*There really isn’t much comfort in a comfort zone. A new name is in order. The terror zone? The numb zone? The walled off shut off obsessive about everything and nothing zone? The unconscious zone? Nope. None of those work. Hmmmmmm......... I'm smelling an opportunity for some reader feedback!