Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Bitter Spiritualist! NOW WITH LESS BITTER GOODNESS?
Numerous accusations have been hurled at The Bitter Spiritualist that he might not be all that bitter. The tabloids have been hounding our home office looking for a response to these outrageous claims. I'm presently meeting with the legal department to sue these people. (It's the American thing to do, and a whole lot easier than getting a job.)
I can see where some of you might read my posts and think that he's not bitter at all. Well truth be told I'm just sparing you some of the bitter taste that is me. It's a flavor best enjoyed alone.
To prove to myself I am bitter I had to look up the word. Sure I am The Bitter Spiritualist, but I'd never looked up the meaning of my name. Before you judge, have you looked up the meaning of your name? I thought not. And if you have, you're a narcissist just like me. We should go for coffee sometime, ignore each other and talk about ourselves. I know I'll be witty, urbane, handsome, charming and humble. I'm sorry were you saying something? Anyway the good people at Websters Online* gave me this:
\ˈbi-tər\ (SOMEONE SHOULD TELL WEBSTER HIS "e" IS BACKWARDS.)
Function:adjective (GRAMMAR USAGE CORRECT. CHECK.)
Etymology: (WHAT THE STUDY OF BUGS HAS TO DO WITH THIS DEFINITION, I HAVE NO IDEA)
Middle English, from Old English biter ; akin to Old High German bittar bitter, Old English bītan to bite — more at bite
Date: before 12th century. (OLD ENGLISH AND GERMAN, TOGETHER AT LAST.)
1 a: being or inducing the one of the four basic taste sensations that is peculiarly acrid, astringent, or disagreeable and suggestive of an infusion of hops — compare salt, sour, sweet b: distasteful or distressing to the mind : galling - a bitter sense of shame ( TO THE DOUBTERS OF MY BITTERNESS UNDER THIS DEFINITION, THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. OPEN WIDE AND SAY AHHHHHHHH, HOPSY SALTY GOODNESS WITH EVERY LICK. GALLING I KNOW.)
2: marked by intensity or severity: a: accompanied by severe pain or suffering (a bitter death) b: being relentlessly determined : vehement (a bitter partisan) c: exhibiting intense animosity (bitter enemies) d (1): harshly reproachful (bitter complaints) (2): marked by cynicism and rancor (bitter contempt) e: intensely unpleasant especially in coldness or rawness -a bitter wind. (UM, YEAH, I'M CONFIDENT I FIT INTO ALL THESES CATEGORIES. IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ANY OF THESE DEFINITIONS, YOU'VE JUST EXPERIENCED THE CANDY COATED GOODNESS I LEARNED AS A LITTE GIRL IN FINISHING SCHOOL, NOT THE FULL BOUQUET THAT IS THE BS. COME ON, INTENSELY UNPLEASANT, HELLO! OKAY "RELENTLESSLY DETERMINED" MAY BE A STRETCH, MORE MILDLY INDIFFERENT.)
3: expressive of severe pain, grief, or regret -bitter tears. (OH I GOT PAIN, I JUST LIKE TO BOTTLE IT UP AND LET IT OUT WHILE DRIVING OR PLAYING WITH CHILDREN. GRIEF, YUP GOT SOME OF THAT, AGAIN BOTTLED AND OPENED WHEN LISTENING TO MY CELINE DION ALBUMS. REGRETS I'VE HAD A FEW, BUT THEN AGAIN I WAS DRUNK AND DON'T REMEMBER.)
Phew. I am still bitter. Thank goodness, I feel better, I mean bitter. Now I can continue with my litigation and writing my original post on GRATITUDE. Stay tuned.......
*The Bitter Spiritualist is not sponsored by the good people at Websters and no I am not paying them for the use of their definition. Same goes for the Bitter Booze pictured, I just lifted the images from Google. If you would like to sponsor The Bitter Spiritualist feel free to email me directly for the address. In addition to being bitter, I can be bought.