Synchronicity

Well today I was in my head most of the day. Then I had it, my beautiful story for today. I threw away all that I had worked on and was ready to write about the beautiful synchronicities in my life.

Well I showed up at the coffee shop this afternoon and couldn't log on. Boy did that send me into a tailspin. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's leaving the dog at home with a huge "Adopt Rescued Pets Here!" sign across the street. Perhaps this isn't the best place for me to be at peace and write. Or is it the Universe giving me an opportunity practice what I preach. Yup, that's what it is. I really don't give a fuck about the gal beside me and her plumber boyfriend. Either they buy the shit she's selling or they don't. I don't give a fuck. But I do care about you all, and my apologies for venting to you, but hey this is where I am right now. A bit pissed off that I'm here and I got upset about the the world around me. It all was triggered by not being able to get online here. Silly I know, but a great sign of where I am in my learning. I am being gentle with myself. Hey I am raw and I am learning, and there I said it, I'm not a fucking enlightened being. So where the fuck was I.....

Oh yeah, SYNCHRONICITY. It seems funny now what I was going to write about, so I will write about it to have a good laugh at myself. Well I'd tried a few times. SHUT THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!!!!!! Oh yeah I am at the coffee shop and not everyone is here for my amusement and I forgot my headphones at the house. Great. I have to listen to the teenagers talk High School gossip. Other days this would amuse me, but I am triggered right now and I am writing so Here we go.....

So I've written a funny little ditty about synchronicities, it was nice and neat and I just didn't like it. Ahhh heres a lesson, be gentle with myself, the voices are getting quieter, for the screaming in my head has lessened. And my dog is fine at home, he'd be crazy right now and I want to finish this post and get out of here. Oh my God, these girls are annoying, yes I've been triggered. Maybe have a good cry, maybe look through my yearbook and remember how grand high school was for me. I'm not sure, but synchronicities....

I was on the highway today coming from some work and contemplated how much I didn't want to write about stupid synchronicities. I was resistant I would say. I had some really really funny stuff about the Police and N'Sync. Genius really, but it just didn't speak to me. And if not speaking to me, how can I communicate to you? Well then it hit me. Boom! I was out of sync. Yes there is my N'Sync reference for the day and it tied in to The Police song and it was great. Well I had a sign from God. It said Boston. Where the BS is from and then on the radio came a story about the Russian Subway System, and a jester from Boston who was over there entertaining folks. And I realized I was taking myself way too seriously. A bit like now. Have a laugh she tells me, gently, her sweet beguiling voice talking to me. I am singing to myself now as I write, enjoying the stares from the High School girls and feeling a bit better. Well I got it, she is such a bitch I can't believe it. Oh yes, I am eavesdropping now on the high school gossip and the saleswoman and her stories of her plumber boyfriend. Synchronicities!

Sure these could be random acts to drive me crazy. Or they could be the beautiful voice of the Universe telling me to not take myself so fucking seriously. That's what I am going with. When is a coincidence not a coincidence? When I decide it is. It's my choice. I choose to live in a world where God talks directly to me, and her voice is often soft, sweet and annoying. She speaks in riddles, she speaks in synchronicities. Like this post for instance. I was planning to write more to you and then I got a call from Honeybee about writing on Tuesdays. Okay sure, I get it God I will write. And moments later my Sister sent me a note wondering when we were going to hear more from the BS. Ahh yes, what a coincidence......

Synchronicities. Like this one in front of me now. Three girls badmouthing everyone they know. A voice that I know well, granted my sounds a bit more macho, but a voice of negative self talk that lies inside of me telling me how much I suck. Well I am being gentle with myself this month, and being a cheerleader instead of a terrorist. A coincidence that this issue is in my face and I've three girls blabbing in my ear. Sure if I want it to be, but I am choosing to take it as God telling me to be gentle with myself. Stop yelling at yourself for not doing things and start doing things. An awareness that came to me this weekend, that yelling at myself, berating myself, just wasn't working for me.

So there it is. My journey today, my synchronistic journey that got me to this coffee shop, got me to write to you. What a treat. Sure I am still a bit in upset, but I am finished with writing and I feel good. I am going to leave here and coo softly in my ear that I am doing a great job. That I am exactly where I need to be. Pat myself on the back. Give myself (as my Dad used to say) and Atta Boy. And get the fuck out of this chaos, drop to my knees and Thank God that I am not in High School anymore.

PS: As I became clear as to why these gals were here, here for me - "randomly" - they left. Sure I am still in a bit of upset, but I am on my way out of here. To learn from this moment and move forward. Thank you God for your sweet voice, the sweet reminder that I need to be gentle with myself. That the voices in my head, the old voices, served their purpose at one point, and I need them no longer. Thank God!